


kaiju blue

by livmoores



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Dimitri/Byleth, Background Felix/Annnete, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Sylvain Jose Gautier Is An Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28564050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livmoores/pseuds/livmoores
Summary: Most people have two drift partners. Sylvain has had four.Each one of them has reminded him of the seasons. There was Lorenz; summer, which he hated with a passion. Dimitri was like the winter. He was turbulent, cold, and unsteady. Felix represented autumn. They were stable, but reckless and housed a sense of impending danger. And then there was Ingrid, spring. She brought light, life, and love.[written for sylvgrid big bang; pacific rim viewing not necessary.]
Relationships: Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 50
Kudos: 33
Collections: Sylvgrid Big Bang





	1. lorenz | summer

**Author's Note:**

> SHE'S HERE!!!
> 
> hello friends and welcome to the project that has consumed my life for the better part of four months. i am so excited to be shared with the world, even though it's made me want to pull my hair out. [@cmdonovan](https://twitter.com/CMDonovann) made _wonderful_ art, which will be dropping in chapter two. trust me when i say y'all aint ready for that art!!! i literally screamed when i saw it. 
> 
> a huge thank you to rachelle for beta'ing this for me, and to everyone who helped me push through and support my crying in dms. the big bang period came during a time where i was dealing with a death in the family that still rocks me to my core and i almost scraped this idea. this would not have existed without you guys and i cannot thank you enough. 
> 
> as mentioned in the tags, it's not necessary to have seen pacific rim to understand this fic. [this is a map of the fodlan rim](https://imgur.com/a/lHpivex), as i took the pacific rim and reassigned it the various houses. the shield indicates where the breach is. this fic takes place in fhirdiad, which would translate to the anchorage area. this should surprises one one, as i like to spread that headcanon that faerghus is alaska on everyone LMAO. also, i have combed through the fic in order to pull the terms i've used. at the top of each chapter, i will be providing definitions as they are necessary to the chapter. 
> 
> **drift-compatibility:** a measure to determine how well two pilots will work together in order to control the jaeger.  
>  **neural handshake:** final step in initiating a drift; triggers the connection to mind-meld the partners. also referred to has a handshake.  
>  **miracle mile:** ten mile radius outside of a city. If this is breached, the city is in trouble and likely to have extreme loss of life.  
>  **shatterdome:** structure that houses jaegers, rangers (the pilots), scientists, etc.  
>  **the breach:** the specific area in which the kaiju come out of the ocean.  
>  **war-clock:** giant clock that keeps track of how long it has been since the last kaiju attack.

> “The drift, Jaeger tech, based on DARPA jet fighter neural systems. Two pilots, mind melding through memories with a body of a giant machine. The deeper the bond, the better you fight.” - Pacific Rim (2013).

There’s something intimate about the drift.

It’s not sexual, despite Sylvain’ many jokes about it. It’s safe. It's secure. It’s also nerve wracking and exposing. The same things that make you secure are the ones that make you so exposed that it’s almost off putting. Your partner knows your darkest secrets, every tick and every whim your heart desires. 

That’s what Sylvain has heard, anyways. It took years of vigorous training with the Fódlan Rim Defense Corps to get to where he was. He studied the science behind the neural handshakes and how they would mind-meld. Sylvain knew that it would take a specific person, one that he had the most drift compatibility with, to be his partner. 

He had been ecstatic to go through the testing process. There were people that were good, but not good enough. There were some that were terrible and it took one knockout to move onto the next. Nearing the end of the day was when Sylvain found himself engaged in a spar that seemed like it had potential. It had been near the end of the day when he had been assigned his drift partner, after a point-based sparring system that lasted ten minutes. 

The drift-compatibility test with the man lasted ten minutes. Sylvain could predict every move that Lorenz was about to make, just like he could. The other tests had been three minutes, tops, with Sylvain knocking them on their asses before they could process what had happened. At the end of the test, Marshal Eisner had grinned and assigned them to each other. Relief had flooded his system and he was thankful that it was over.

His name was Lorenz Hellman Gloucester. He hailed from Adrestia and everything he did, from the way he talked, to the wild accusations and the way he insisted there was a rose on everything, made Sylvain’s skin crawl. He couldn’t pinpoint why. He had known the man for ten minutes and hated everything about him.

In the beginning, it was tolerable. They exchanged pleasantries and Sylvain went back to his room as a bundle of nerves. Tomorrow was going to be his first time in the simulator test with his drift partner, something he had spent the last two years preparing for. They were assigned _Lance of Ruin,_ a brand new Mark 5 Jaeger. Sylvain had stepped into the drift with his mind blank and was ready for whatever Lorenz was bringing into the drift. He had expected trauma (they all had some type of trauma) but he hadn’t expected to see Lorenz in a speedo. 

After the handshake disengaged, he threw up on Lorenz’s shoes.

That was the beginning of their problems. Lorenz had thrown a fit over his shoes (they were new and he had spent a lot of effort shining them to perfection, apparently) and the constant bickering began. Sylvain’s annoyance with Lorenz would have happened regardless; the drift connection made it worse.

For retaliation of his shoes, Lorenz had a giant rose painted on _Ruin_. Sylvain had been so angry when he walked up to their Jaeger and discovered a (beautifully done, though he’d never admit to it) rose painted by Ignatz right over the heart that he was left speechless. The saving grace that prevented Sylvain from fighting Lorenz on the spot was that Lorenz had control over the left hemisphere and thus, the rose was on his side. His hands were shaking so bad when he recounted the story to Ingrid, who had laughed so hard tears streamed down her face.

Ingrid insisted the reason they drifted so well, and the reason they hated each other so much, was because they were similar. Sylvain refused to believe her statement on principle. Deep down, he knew it was true. They had an identical upbringing; family money propelled them into the Jaeger program and while Sylvain worked to be a decent pilot, he couldn’t say the same for Lorenz. Plus he was always talking about how it was a _noble cause_ and the _right thing to do._

Sylvain started keeping track of how many times Lorenz mentioned he was doing it to honour the people of Fódlan. It took him a week to breach a hundred.

Scowling at the memory, he shoved the notebook into his back pocket and knocked on Ingrid’s door. He didn’t give her a chance to respond and opened the door. The knock was a courtesy. The blonde jolted up from her bed, her books falling to the floor, as Sylvain shut the door behind him.

“I really hate the guy, Ing. I really fucking do,” he said as he flopped down on her bed.

“You say that every day,” Ingrid replied as she kneeled on the floor and gathered up her books. She bit her tongue from making a snide comment about losing her place in her studies. Sylvain was a welcomed break. Her head was starting to throb from all the information she was attempting to memorize about Jaeger engineering. She wasn’t a pilot, not yet, but spent her time studying the mechanics to prepare for simulator runs. Hopefully she would be piloting a Jaeger within a year. “What did he do now?”

“What didn’t he do, Ingrid?” 

Sylvain lifted up his shirt, revealing a toned stomach that housed a bruise the size of a basketball. It was black and blue and had grown in size since Sylvain saw it last an hour ago. The simple movement of lifting up his shirt caused him to wince. He was in for the long haul with the healing process of this bruise. He would have to bug Mercedes about it later.

A blush crept on Ingrid’s face as she assessed his bruise. Sylvain caught it and resisted the urge to smile. He loved seeing her flustered. When he had discovered his injury was on his stomach, he had laughed. It calmed down his anger as he ruminated over Lorenz getting the upper hand in their fight simulation. Lorenz might have bested him but the location of his injury caused a reaction from Ingrid. 

Sylvain would never admit that the injury was worth it. He lived for Ingrid’s soft touches, especially when she was looking over what injury he had. In his mind, he would thank Lorenz. For now, he would curse his name and still hate the fact that Lorenz was decent enough to knock him on his ass. 

“You’ll be fine. Give it a week and it’ll be nothing more than a bitter memory.”

Sylvain scowled. “He got the upper hand on me, Ingrid. What am I supposed to do with that?” 

“Get over it.”

He placed a hand over his forehead and sighed dramatically after pulling his shirt down. “Will you kiss it and make it better?”

Ingrid glared and Sylvain laughed. He expected nothing less from their interaction. Despite his stress level in dealing with Lorenz, he found himself relaxing at Ingrid’s comments. It was a sense of normalcy that he was looking for after a disastrous day. All Sylvain had done was train with Lorenz, in preparation for their first fight. The war-clock had been going for two weeks with no kaiju in the breach. 

He rolled over on the bed, allowing Ingrid more room to sit down. The blush on her cheeks disappeared as she got comfortable again and opened up the book she had been studying.

“Do you want to talk about actually _why_ you’re having issues with Lorenz?” She asked carefully as she eyed him.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

Sylvain’s reply came out harsher than intended. Ingrid raised an eyebrow at him and he offered an apologetic look, hoping that it would soothe the sting. A sigh escaped his lips. He knew what Ingrid meant; she didn’t have to push the issue. She had mentioned it to him once and it stayed latch in his memory. 

The problem with Lorenz was that everything he did reminded Sylvain of himself. They came from rich parents who had a developing hand in the Fódlan Rim Defense Corps. Their fathers were decorated Jaeger pilots and expected them to carry on the legacy. Their mannerisms, the way they spoke, and the way they flirted was similar. Sylvain hadn’t realized it until they were saying the same pick-up lines. It was like looking in a mirror.

Despite the constant jokes about his charming looks, Sylvain didn’t want the reminder. It was an act, it was all a damn act, and Lorenz made him realize how much he disliked himself.

Before Ingrid had a chance to respond, the room flashed red. The alarm rang through Sylvain’s ears. It didn’t matter how many times he had heard the emergency siren before; it still left his skin crawling.

_“Movement in the breach. Category three. Code name: Saberhammer.”_

The sound of the robotic voice faded into the background, the shouts from outside the door were drowning it out. Ingrid’s room was bathed in red light as his eyes scanned to her wall that housed the television. The image of the Fódlan ocean appeared, with a red line along the Fódlan rim. A star appeared in the top right hand corner, hovering about two hundred miles off the coast of Fhirdiad.

_“Lance of Ruin, please report to station three. Expected kaiju arrival: 19:45.”_

His heart stopped. This was his fight. The nausea settled in his stomach as he glanced at the clock at the corner of the screen. Saberhammer was scheduled to arrive in an hour, which gave him plenty of time to gear up and get dropped off outside the miracle mile. 

Sylvain’s vision was starting to narrow when he felt Ingrid’s hand grab his. He blinked, did his best to ignore the bile that was rising in his throat, and turned his attention to her.

“That’s you.” Ingrid’s voice was soft as she spoke. “You’ve worked and studied hard for this. You guys got this.”

She was right. This fight was everything he had poured his blood, sweat and tears into. A small, strained smile appeared on his face as he squeezed her hand. The nausea was still present but the bile was subsiding. 

“Thanks, Ing,” Sylvain replied as he unlatched their hand. He sat up, swung his feet over the bed, and stepped onto the concrete. He was a little dizzy but as he jogged to his Jaeger, he hoped his head would clear. “I’ll be sure to kill this son of a bitch just for you, in your honour.”

He gave her a lopsided smile. Sylvain was back to using humour as a deflection and Ingrid knew it. He saw her eyes briefly narrow before she rolled her eyes and picked up her book again. 

“Hurry up or you’ll be late and then we’re all fucked.”

Sylvain saluted her before waving goodbye. She gave him a brief wave in response before going back to studying. The redhead stepped out of her room and disappeared into the flurry of people, making his way towards his Jaeger.

The fear in his bones was slowly being replaced by excitement. The smile turned genuine as he maneuvered through the crowd. This was it; this was everything he had worked for. It didn’t matter that he had a drift partner he hated. Sylvain was going to fight. He was going to be a hero.

_Hope this makes you proud, you fucker._

* * *

It took three fights for Sylvain to crack.

Their first fight had been a success; it had also been a disaster. When Sylvain went to suggest a move, Lorenz was already engaging with their defenses. Sylvain didn’t have to speak for Lorenz to act and vice versa. They were in sync, as two partners should be, and Sylvain wasn’t sure what to do with that information. The biggest drawback to their fight had been the kaiju. The duo was shaky on their defenses, unsure of their actions, and almost died.

Book preparation and studying combat was much different than being in combat. Even their previous drop simulators, where they went in fighting an illusionary kaiju, didn’t compare. The drills didn’t account for the adrenaline of making a haste decision or the lingering nausea and anxiety over overthinking your calls.. 

The second battle was easier. By the third battle, Sylvain wasn’t questioning everything he did. Their actions were seamless, likely they had been fighting for years. The problem was in what the neural handshake did, not the neural handshake itself.

Jaeger pilots had a history of developing their counterpart’s personality traits. It was usually something subtle, like a sudden disdain for seafood or a new favourite genre of movie. Most of the time, it was small and didn’t have a significant impact on their partner. There had been rumours that more integral personality traits started to meld. Sylvain had written it off as folklore.

It wasn’t until he started decorating his room with roses did he realize those rumours were true.

“Oh no,” he had muttered to himself. Sylvain had left his room immediately, unable to throw the roses away. They were pretty and lit up the room. They deserved their spot in the vase. Scowling to himself, he moved into the dining hall. It was nearing lunch time, he had no training to complete, and food seemed logical.

A tuft of blonde hair caught his eye. Upon further inspection, Sylvain realized it was Ingrid. A smile spread across his face as he stared at his friend, only to have it quickly replaced by the scowl he had been wearing earlier. She wasn’t alone; Lorenz was sitting next to her and she was laughing at something he had said.

With his vision blurring, he made his way over towards the two. He couldn’t control how angry and frustrated she was. Ingrid was _his_ friend, not Lorenz’s. There was no need for Lorenz to engage with her. Sylvain sucked in a deep breath as he stopped five feet away from her in an attempt to clear his mind. There was no need to be jealous, that was something Lorenz would do.

“Sylvain! I was just about to come find you.” 

Ingrid’s voice broke through the haze. She was smiling so brightly it was going to blind him. The tension in his shoulders relaxed as he stared at her. Her eyes seemed to twinkle. The desire to run up and kiss her hand was strong but Sylvain squashed the urge. Ingrid had a boyfriend. Glenn was a wonderful guy who put up with Sylvain's filtrations jokes and made Ingrid smile. Sylvain needed to respect their relationship. 

“Miss me that much already? I just saw you this morning.”

The tease came out naturally but his heart wasn’t in it. He watched as Ingrid’s brow slightly furrowed before she rolled her eyes. 

“Can you blame him?” Lorenz said as he leaned forward, his hand resting gently over her forearm. Did he not realize she had a boyfriend or did he not care? “You look absolutely radiant today.”

The self control that Sylvain had been holding onto by a thread snapped. He didn’t think as his fist curled into a ball. Lorenz was touching Ingrid, _his_ Ingrid. It was disgusting that Lorenz was flirting with her. Sylvain wasn’t sure who gave him the _right._ He didn’t think as he raised his fist and let it collide with Lorenz’s face.

There was a crack, followed by the sound of knuckles hitting bone. Sylvain could hear an audible gasp, followed by a cheer. The words around him faded out as he drew back his fist and punched Lorenz again. He could feel the wetness of blood splattering over his knuckles. Somewhere in the background, he could hear Ingrid shouting at him, pleading for him to stop.

Hours, days even, could have passed before Sylvain felt someone tug on his hair to bring him down to earth. With a shaky breath, Sylvain turned to the source of the hair pulling. Ingrid was staring at him, her eyes wide and an appalled look on her face.

“What the fuck was that for?”

_Because he touched you. Because he’s flirting with you and it’s disgusting. You have a boyfriend. He doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him._

Sylvain wiped the back of his knuckles across his face, letting the blood smear around his mouth. Was he supposed to tell Ingrid the truth? No, he couldn’t confess to that. He wasn’t sure if the jealousy was accurate. What did he have to be jealous of? Ingrid wasn’t his girlfriend; she was his best friend, nothing more. No, Lorenz was just slimy and spent too much time focused on trying to right the world for all the wrong reasons. Additionally, _she had a boyfriend_. That was a good enough excuse.

“It was a long time coming.”

It was a half-truth, his specialty. 

* * *

“You don’t want this, kid. You two work well together. This would be throwing away a fantastic partnership for some petty squabble.”

“I do want this. I’ve wanted this since our first fight,” Sylvain replied as he leaned back in the chair. It was uncomfortable but that was expected. Marshal Eisners’s office wasn’t designed to be comfortable. “We might fight well together but he’s a fucking douchebag and I cannot be partnered with someone like that.”

Marshal Eisner raised a brow as he studied Sylvain. He knew what Sylvain was going through; he had faced a similar situation when he was a pilot. He had even gotten into a couple of scuffles with his partner. What he hadn’t done was gone to his Marshal at the time and demanded a change. 

“This will reflect poorly on you. The only reason you’re not facing a court marshal for assault is because I pulled some strings and Lorenz didn’t want to press charges.”

Sylvain wanted to be thankful but shrugged it off; he knew he was lucky. Assaulting your partner was immediate grounds for a court marshal and dismissal from the Fódlan Rim Defense Corps. Everything he had worked for would have been flushed down the toilet. Any dreams he had of surpassing his father would have been thrown into the ocean.

_Just what you wanted, right Dad?_

“Maybe you should focus on _why_ you hit Lorenz as opposed to hitting him. I am aware that you two do not get along. I also know you, Gautier, and know that you wouldn’t have done that without an extreme provocation. So why did you hit Ranger Gloucester?”

_Because he was hitting on Ingrid._

Lorenz’s comment had been casual, nothing off brand for him. Yet he saw the sparkle in his eye as he leaned in and touched Ingrid’s forearm. Sylvain recognized the look in his eyes well. It was the same look he wore when he looked at Ingrid and made a suggestive comment. The look terrified him. He had picked up the roses affinity, it was logical that he had picked up his womanizing habits. He didn’t want anyone to treat her badly and if his personality was bleeding into Lorenz, it was almost a guarantee. 

Protecting Ingrid from people like himself was the goal, but there was also another reason - one that he wanted to keep buried out of respect for his best friend. 

_Because I think I’m in love with her and can’t stand the idea of someone else hitting on her._

Sylvain chewed on the inside of his mouth. The metallic taste of blood touched his tongue. Even though he trusted Marshal Eisner and knew he wouldn't laugh or judge him, Sylvain couldn’t tell him the truth. It was something that he was barely coming to terms with himself; how the hell could his commander help him?

Marshal Eisner groaned. “Go on, get out of here. I’ll reassign you later. I already have enough shit to deal with, thanks for adding to that pile, Ranger.” He waved his hand and dismissed him.

Sylvain muttered a weak thanks and stormed out of the Marshal’s office, slamming the door behind him. He was acting like a child and knew it, even though he couldn’t shake the feeling. The green monster was consuming him. It was easy to focus on the jealousy and hide behind it. It was more complicated than that.

There was the lingering disappointment he always felt from his father. There was the fact that no matter how hard he trained, each battle left him nursing a nasty bruise. Every time he sparred with Lorenz, it was a close battle; he hardly won by more than one point. Then there was Lorenz, who amplified everything Sylvain hated about himself.

With a heavy sigh, Sylvain shoved his hands in his pockets. Marshal Eisner was going to reassign him a new partner. It was a step in the right direction and would make him excited about being a pilot again, but it wasn’t coming soon enough. Sylvain would have to go through the testing process again to determine combability. 

“Anything is better than Lorenz,” he muttered to himself as he stepped through the door to the balcony of the shatterdome. 

The sun was bright, causing him to wince. Sylvain lifted his forearm up over his eyes to shield them. He slowly opened his eyes in an effort to get used to the sunlight. Sylvain cursed under his breath as his eyes readjusted. The Fhirdiad Shatterdome did a good job at fabricating darkness. Fhirdiad might have had twenty-three houses of sunlight in the summer, but the shatterdome tried to resemble a sense of normalcy where it was light and dark for appropriate, and healthy, amounts of time. 

Sylvain took a deep breath, inhaling the summer air. The air was wet and sticky, like it was sweat itself and almost drowning him. As he tried to readjust to the drastic shift in humidity, Lorenz’s smug face flashed through his mind and realization hit him. Lorenz was like the summer. He was passionate, warm, and made him feel like he was suffocating. And like the season, Sylvain had looked forward to having a drift-partner and within a few weeks, hated everything about it. Goddess, he really hated summer.

Sylvain could only thank the Goddess it was coming to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/livthebraves) where i cry about critical role and fire emblem.


	2. dimitri | winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [LOOK AT THE ART.](https://twitter.com/CMDonovann/status/1346705316277313536) i cry. it's also pulled directly from a scene in this chapter and i just??? speechless??? HELLO??? SO GOOD?????
> 
> also hope you guys remember this:  
>   
> hint: wrong.
> 
> with that being said, please take care while reading this chapter. i have major character death tagged for a reason + dimitri is a featured character and well, i lean into his mental illness pretty frequently when i write him. 
> 
> **RABIT:** random access, brain impulse trigger memories.

> “We’re on the simulator now, Mako. Remember, don’t chase the RABIT. Grant them access, brain impulse trigger memories. Just let them flow, don’t latch on. Tune them out, stay in the drift, the drift is silence.”’ - Pacific Rim (2013).

Within a month of Glenn’s death, Sylvain was partnered with Dimitri and he knew it was a _terrible_ idea. 

Glenn had been ripped out of his Jaeger while engaged in the neural handshake. Dimitri was his drift partner. Everything Glenn felt as he died, Dimitri would have experienced. His younger friend had always been more empathetic and whatever emotions Glenn felt as he was crushed under the weight of the kaiju’s claws would have seeped into Dimitri. 

Within two drifts with Lorenz, Sylvain had started to pick up his mannerisms. Dimitri had seven drifts with Glenn by the time he died. The two had worked so seamlessly that Sylvain knew he was looking at the next power duo. Even outside of the Jaeger, they were aligned in perfect harmony. It was the partnership that Sylvain had hoped for when he had been assigned Lorenz. 

Chewing the inside of his lip, Sylvain didn’t say anything as he tucked his helmet to the side. He looked around. Byleth was next to her father in the control room, talking and assessing the situation. Annette was laser focused on the computer in front of her. Felix was behind her, with his arm in a sling and looking pissed off as he stared directly into the Jager’s eyes.

His eyes scanned for Ingrid, who was nowhere to be found. He sighed and shifted on his feet. Without Ingrid, there was no point in vocalizing his concerns. Ingrid would back him up but at the same time, he knew they would chalk her up to the heartbroken (now ex) girlfriend who lost the love of her life. 

The locks hissed, released steam, and Dimitri stepped inside. Sylvain felt his heart drop as he assessed his friend. 

The eyepatch was new. Was he allowed to pilot a jaeger with it? It seemed to be out of regulation but then again, so was the length of Sylvain’s hair. Dimitri's normally well styled and trimmed hair hung loosely at his shoulders and seemed to be greasy. There were dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept since that night. Knowing Dimitri as well as he did, Sylvain figured this was the truth. “I take it you want the right side?” He offered with a smile. 

Dimitri nodded. Sylvain’s stomach churned. He could see that his friend was barely holding on by a thread. Had Marshal Eisner pushed him to come back too soon? That didn’t seem like the Marshal’s style. It did seem like Dimitri’s. The redhead said nothing as he put on his helmet and stepped to the left hemisphere. 

“Ready to step inside my head? Fair warning, I’ve pictured everyone I know naked. You will be seeing Felix’s imaginary naked ass. Manuela’s too. Expect that’s not imaginary.” 

The laughter was strained but Sylvain had to crack a joke. It wasn’t far from the truth. He _had_ pictured everyone he knew naked. It wasn’t something that had come up in the drift with Lorenz because he was so wrapped up in hate. Despite his apprehension towards one of his oldest friends, Sylvain was relaxed enough that those images would flash in his mind and enter Dimitri’s.

Sylvain turned his head towards Dimitri. He said nothing in response to the crude joke. That was alarming; Dimitri usually protested to some extent. He chided him about how it was inappropriate and that he needed to do better. The fact that he kept his mouth shut meant something was _very, very,_ wrong. He sucked in a breath. 

“Well, you can’t say I didn’t warn ya, Dima.”

“ _Don’t call me that,”_ Dimitri growled.

Sylvain flinched at Dimitri’s callous tone. The nickname was supposed to soften the blow and help him feel better, not make him angrier. Gulping, he waved an apology. Before he could speak, the green light on the intercom flickered on.

“Ready to go?” Annette’s voice rang out through the head of the Jaeger.

“Say the word, gingersnap!” Sylvain replied for the both of them. A verbal confirmation wasn’t going to happen from his partner. 

Annette responded, which Sylvain ignored. He focused on her countdown and his surroundings. There was the click of his suit connecting to the Jaeger at the spine and the hiss of a lock engaging. He lifted up his foot to test the stability of the pedals. Surprising no one, it was locked firmly in place. His helmet filled with yellow liquid and cleared out. Within seconds, he would be in Dimitri’s head.

That thought scared the living hell out of him.

“ _Initiating_ _neural handshake.”_

Sylvain closed his eyes as his vision went black briefly. He had gone through a handful of handshakes before and still wasn’t prepared for the jolt. This time he didn’t feel the need to throw up as his vision came back to him in various shades of blue.

The first image was the four of them. Dimitri was kneeling on the ground, his hand outstretched to a younger Felix who was sobbing. 

_“Come on, Fe! It’s okay! I didn’t mean to hit you!”_ _  
_

Felix sobbed louder and the scene morphed. Sylvain was standing in front of the portrait of his father, a scowl on his face. Mr. Gautier was decorated in his best Pacific Defense Corps blues, a serious, yet coy smile on his face as he posed for the camera. He was a decorated war hero and someone Sylvain should be looking up too. Instead, Sylvain hacked up every ounce of saliva he had in his mouth and spit on the portrait.

 _“Fuck you and your golden standards. I can never be like you_.”

Sylvain’s image faded out and Byleth materialized. She was leaning over a table and pointing at a book. Dimitri had his brows furrowed together and was trying his best to retain the information presented to him. He turned up to look at the woman in front of him. The butterflies appeared in his stomach as he stared at the woman in front of him. She was _beautiful_ and so close, all Dimitri had to do was lean in…

_“Here, how about we take a break from this? You’ve been working yourself to the bone.”_

Byleth’s hair fluttered, Dimitri blushed, and Ingrid was standing in front of Sylvain. Her hands were tracing along his leg as she assessed the damage. Sylvain’s leg was broken, as evident by the bone sticking out. Sylvain was doing his best not to cry out in pain every time Ingrid’s gentle fingers touched him. He reached out and grabbed her hand, noticing how small, warm and _perfect_ it fit into his hands. 

_“It’s just a broken bone, Ing. I’ll be fine.”_

_“You got injured protecting me.”_

Dimitri was sweating. He was doing his best to stay focused and fight the kaiju. Glenn was yelling in his ear, asking for them to deploy their sword. No matter what Glenn said, the kaiju was one step ahead of them. The kaiju roared, bore his ugly teeth, bit into the Jaeger. The sound of metal breaking filtered through Sylvain’s ears. He knew this fight without having to witness it. Knifehead had been the one to kill Glenn. 

_“Glenn! Deploy your god damn shield!”_

_“I can’t! It’s fucking stuck!”_

Sylvain felt his stomach drop as the worry Glenn felt ran through his fingertips. Glenn was cursing under his breath and Dimitri was trying to move them forward. There was a look of determination on Dimitri’s face that Sylvain had never seen before. The kaiju, who had taken a step back, came running at them head first. The head butt was impactful enough to knock the jaeger down. Dimitri and Glenn yelled as their bodies jerked back from the impact.

_“Shield, Glenn!”_

_“It’s stuck! What part of that don’t you fucking understand, Dimitri?! We have to do something else!”_

There was a panic in Glenn’s voice that Sylvain had never heard before. Glenn sucked in a breath and turned his head towards Dimitri and then back at the kaiju. It had taken a stance of headbutting them and the problem was that it was very, very, effective. The engines hissed around them and alarms were blaring red. Their oxygen was running low.

_“What do you propose we do?”_

_“Fight like hell.”_

Dimitri took control and swung first. His fist connected with the kaiju and the knife deployed, slicing its jaw. It did enough damage to startle the kaiju and injure it, but it was still alive and kicking. The kaiju was doing its best to maintain its vicious category three status. Scowling, Dimitri pulled back and punched the kaiju again.

_“It’s too fucking fast. We need to hit it in it’s gut and we might have some success.”_

_“What do you think I’m aiming for?”_

They were punching Knifehead with as much force as they could muster. The shield was broken, the wires were sticking out on the left side from where the kaiju had broken through the hull and Dimitri knew he was looking at his death. If he made it out of this fight, he would be lucky. 

_“Shit!”_

Glenn’s voice was loud as the alarms started to blare. The kaiju had sunk its teeth into the armour again and tore at the shoulder. It was too fast and they were going to die. The pair knew it. Dimitri swore under his breath and deployed the knife. He jabbed it in the direction of the kaiju but it moved out of the way. Dimitri couldn’t remember a kaiju that had the speed of this one. It was a record breaker. 

_“Dimitri, listen to me.”_

Dimitri turned his head to Glenn. Before he could open his mouth, the kaiju broke through the hull. Glenn was yanked out of the helmet. Dimitri heard the sound of his suit crunching, the absolute fear in Glenn’s body as he realized he was being eaten alive by kaiju.

Ingrid’s face flashed in front of their minds an-

“Right hemisphere calibrating.” 

Sylvain’s eyes jolted open. Sothis’s voice was soothing. He sucked in a breath as he looked over to Dimitri, who’s hair was pushed back with sweat.

“Left hemisphere calibrating.”

The pair moved their hands together. Sylvain could feel the reactor vibrating underneath his feet. He smiled as he assumed the boxing stance, Dimitri following suit. Despite the obvious trauma Dimitri had put them through and the fact that Sylvain felt like he was going to be ill from the violent whirlwind of emotions Dimitri experienced, perhaps this was a good thing.

“How ya feeling?” Sylvain asked as he turned his head to Dimitri. 

Sylvain knew the answer before Dimitri could respond. Dimitri’s expression had gone blank and he found himself being sucked back into the memory. His breathing was heavy.

“Shit, Annette, he’s going to chase the RABIT! _Pull the god damn plug._ ”

The overwhelming feeling of sadness and acceptance flooded through Sylvain’s body. Glenn was crying out in pain over his bones being crushed and the fact that all the blood in his body was pooling in a kaiju’s mouth, but he was _content_. Glenn had welcomed death; he was a Ranger, it was his duty. Dimitri was screaming, a migraine starting, as he swung the knife around. 

It was luck, and cruel irony from the Goddess, that Dimitri was able to land a stab on the kaiju. Glenn was dead, Dimitri was stabbing the kaiju and the blue blood was staining the Jaeger. Dimitri screamed louder as he continued to stab. After five minutes, but what felt like hou-

_“Pull the fucking plug, Annette! Jesus Christ, are you deaf?!”_

-rs, the kaiju fell into the ocean. Dimitri fought the urge to dive into the ocean after it, knowing he would drown under the turbulent sea with an open hull. A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he turned the jaeger around. He had taken complete control of the jaeger, piloting both hemispheres, and he was going to be ill.

“ _Glenn… Glenn…”_ Dimitri cried out as he did his best to pilot the Jaeger to the shoe. They were some thirty miles off the miracle mile. By pure luck, Dimitri didn’t pass out from the radiation poisoning. He was moving, slowly, to the shoreline.

_“Glenn.”_

Sylvain had never heard something so broken. Dimitri cried out in pain as he reached out his hand. The weapon was charging, the alarms were going off in the background, and Sylvain was terrified. If Annette didn’t disengage their Jaeger, they would be dead. Dimitri called out for Glenn again and Sylvain cursed.

“ _Fucking disengage, Annette!”_

There was a whoosh and the Jaeger powered down. The plug suit disengaged, Sylvain tore off his helmet and ran to Dimitri’s side. Dimitri didn’t bother taking off his helmet as he fell to the ground. His body was shaking with sobs as Sylvain held him. Sylvain muttered nothing to Dimitri as he pulled him closer. His comfort would be nothing compared to Byleth but this was one of his best friends, he had to do _something_.

“It’s okay buddy, it’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. They both knew it.

* * *

The second drift was significantly better than the first. 

Dimitri didn’t chase the RABIT but Sylvain suspected that it had something to do with the fact that their neural handshake was initiated because of a fight, not a test run. Dimitri had a purpose this time. He had something he could hone in and focus on. It was an area that he thrived in. The single minded focused seemed to work well for their trauma.

They fought well together. In fact, Sylvain was almost alarmed at how well it worked. He worked better than with Lorenz. His movements with Lorenz were more seamless but the fights with Dimitri were more powerful. The kill was quicker, perhaps a bit messier, but the job was done. When he and Lorenz fought, those kills seemed to take forever. Sylvain was always questioning what Lorenz was doing. He didn’t do that much with Dimitri.

The keyword there was much. By the time he wanted to question it, Dimitri was already charging full speed ahead.. He had planned on addressing it with Dimitri once they were back in their quarters (he was technically the lead pilot, after all) but by the time the welcoming committee was over, Dimitri had sulked off.

Sylvain’s first thought was that he was with Byleth. If he was with her (and that was assuming he let her near him, he saw the haunted look on Byleth’s eyes when she tried to talk to him) then he wouldn’t worry too much. Sylvain still needed to confirm. It took him ten minutes to find her. She was standing at the end of the hallway, looking at Dimitri’s door, a look of pain on her face.

“You okay, By?”

Byleth blinked as she turned her attention towards him. She gave him a sad smile. “Better than him. I tried to see if he wanted to eat after but he told me to go away and locked himself in his room.” Her eyes drifted back to the door. “I don’t know why I still try sometimes, Sylvain. He doesn’t want my help.”

The instinct to pull her into a hug was strong. Sylvain stared at her, taking her in. Her mint hair was pulled back into a high ponytail, messy to all hell, and she had dark bags under her eyes. There was grease on her cheek and she was shifting back and forth on her feet. Despite her messy appearance, she was still so _beautiful._

A stray hair fell in front of her eyes and Sylvain immediately brushed it out of her way. Byleth sucked in a breath as Sylvain stepped in closer. Byleth was so close, _so close_. Her skin was soft and her lips, Goddess, her lips looked so inviting. All he had to do was lean down and press a kiss to them. How would they taste? Citrusy? Pine? 

No. She smelled like spearmint and sweat. Sylvain’s eyes widened in realization. The citrus and pine smell was Ingrid, not Byleth. Why was he so close to Byleth? Why was he overcome with the desire to kiss her? His hand dropped from her face and he stepped back. This was Dimitri’s desire, not his. 

_Good to know you still seem to love her, bud._

“Sylvain?” Byleth looked confused. 

“Sorry. I gotta go. Try putting food outside of his door, maybe he’ll eat it when we’re not looking like a feral rat.” His words were rushed. He didn’t give her a chance to respond as he turned on his heels and walked away.

His head was pounding. He was overwhelmed with the fact that his desire to kiss Byleth wasn’t his. That wasn’t a problem. While Byleth was an attractive woman, she wasn’t Ingrid and Dimitri was head over heels in love with her. It was simple. He could flirt and encourage his friend to shoot his shot. The guilt twisted in his stomach. He wasn’t with Ingrid and still felt like he had betrayed her.

Or was it Dimitri that he had betrayed? It was only their second drift and Sylvain was starting to experience some of Dimitri’s emotions and personality traits. That meant he was feeling his, too. It was a recipe for disaster. 

His mind drifted back to Ingrid. Ingrid, his strong, beautiful, bright minded crush. When he tried to picture her, it was meddled with Byleth. Cursing, he shook his head. It didn’t matter. He didn’t deserve either of them but he especially didn’t deserve Ingrid. Ingrid was so smart, so capable, and Sylvain was unworthy of her.

The sound of his door slamming shut startled him. He hadn’t realized that he had made it to his room. How long had he been walking? Sylvain plopped down on his bed and cradled his head in his hands. 

_You’re a failure, son. You’re not worthy of the Gautier name. Did you really think you could live up to me?_

Sylvain sucked in a breath as his fathers words rang through his ears. Andre Gautier was a decorated Jaeger pilot, someone he looked up too. Or someone he thought he looked up to. Sylvain knew that he didn’t. He was bitter about the everlasting legacy his father, now six feet under ground, bestowed upon him. How was the redhead supposed to live up to the Gautier name? His father was dead. Miklan was a disgrace. And Sylvain? 

Sylvain knew he was unworthy. He was unworthy of having Gautier sketched into his uniform, of having Ingrid look at him, and piloting the Jaeger. How many kills did Sergeant Master Gautier have under his belt before his death? Fifteen? Twenty? Sylvain lost count after the second televised appearance. Gautier was a household name. Master Sergeant Gautier was a _legend._

And Sylvain? Sylvain had three kills and two drift partners under his name. By all accounts, he was failing. At least Dimitri’s second drift partner made sense - his had died. Sylvain just hated Lorenz.

_Failure. Failure. Disgrace. You can’t even keep your shit together! How are you supposed to excel at the program if you can’t keep a fucking partner? Milkan would have been a better pilot. Anyone would have been a better pilot than you. He’s a better son than you. I don’t know why we bothered having you, you pathetic, worthl-_

Sylvain didn’t realize he was in the middle of a panic attack until he felt Ingrid’s arms wrap around him. 

He gasped for breath as he looked at her, the tears streaming down his face. Behind Ingrid, he could see the ghostly apparition of his father. His eyes were narrowed in disgust as he took in his son’s crying figure. Sylvain gripped Ingrid tighter. Sylvain’s vision was narrowing and he could feel his heart beating in his chest. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’m here,” Ingrid whispered into his hair as she planted a kiss on the crown of his head. “Breathe in, breathe out, remember? I want you to focus on me.” Ingrid moved out of his grasp enough to cup his chin so she could stare into his eyes.

The world stopped moving as Sylvain stared at her. _Breathe in, breathe out_. He repeated the words in his head like a mantra as he focused on Ingrid’ eyes. They were wide, full of concern, and shone like bright emeralds. Had his whole body not been shaking as he struggled to regain his breath, he would have smiled. He loved everything about Ingrid but, by far, her best feature was her eyes.

It was easy to get lost in them. He focused on his breathing as Ingrid muttered sweet nothings and held him. His grasp around her loosened as his body stopped trembling. He didn’t feel his heart beating erratically and could see out of his peripheral vision. Sylvain sniffled and smelled citrus. It was heavenly. He briefly looked back behind Ingrid’s shoulder, noticing that the apparition of his father was gone. 

“Can you loosen your grip?” Ingrid winced. “My arm’s sore from yesterday and while your grip loosened, it’s still pretty tight.”

“Shit, sorry.” Sylvain let go of his grasp and slumped into. “I guess I didn’t realize how tightly I was holding on.” 

“It’s fine, just letting you know.” Ingrid wrapped her arms back around him and guided him to lie down on the bed. He rested his head on her chest. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What’s there to talk about, Ing?” His eyes drifted up towards her. He resisted the urge to make a comment about how he was resting on her breasts. The objectifying comment didn’t matter at this point. “We drifted twice and I saw _everything_ the poor bastard has gone through. It’s like it’s a part of me now.” He sighed. “That’s the price of having a drift partner.”

Ingrid ran her fingers absentmindedly through his hair. Sylvain curled into the crook of her neck, the corner of his eyes still wet. This was the smell he wanted, not spearmint, sweat, blood, or burning metal. He smiled softly into her flesh. He wasn’t going to tell her about his father’s words and looming presence. It would cause Ingrid to worry, more so than she already was, and that was the last thing he needed. 

“Do you think he’s ready for a drift again?”

Sylvain snorted. “Absolutely fucking not. We’re lucky he didn’t chase the RABIT this time. The only reason we didn’t is because he was so focused on slaughtering the kaiju.” Dimitri’s harsh words, manic laughter and broken smile flashed through his mind. “I hate to say it was effective, but it was.”

“He’s going to get you killed, Sylvain.”

Her voice sounded strained, broken. Sylvain moved up from his position on her and readjusted himself before looking back at her. A bitter laugh escaped his lips.

“Not if he doesn’t kill himself first, Ingrid. I can help that.”

“No you can’t! Do you really think you can? Byleth, the girl he’s so stupidly in love with, can’t even do a damn thing! What makes you think you can?”

_Because we’re the same. Because we’re both failures. Because I have no choice._

“Someone has to do it, Ingrid.” 

“Let it be fucking Byleth! Not you!” Her voice had raised. Ingrid stared him directly into his eyes and Sylvain winced. “He is not your burden to carry. He is not ready to be fighting. It has been _two months_ since Glenn was killed. _Nobody_ has healed from that.” The tears were streaming down her face now.

Sylvain felt the gut punch. He hadn’t forgotten that Ingrid loved Glenn. How could he? He helped her gather the courage to ask him out, for Sothis’s sake. He encouraged her to take the plunge and be happy a year and a half ago. He had held her as she broke down over Glenn’s death. In some respects, she and Dimitri were a lot alike. They shared the same misery, just different sides of it.

“Shit, Ingrid, I’m sorry.”

Sylvain was fumbling with his words. He wanted to reach out and pull her into a hug but refrained. From the way her cheeks were wet and the fact that she was sniffling, he knew she wouldn’t want to be touched. 

Ingrid didn’t say anything in response. Sylvain didn’t mind; he figured he deserved it. Instead he stared at her, unsure of what to say or do. HIs body was starting to become numb as he comprehended his emotions. His head was throbbing from the tears and nausea. Subconsciously, he felt his eyes look past Ingrid again to see his father. He wasn’t there and the tension in Sylvain’s shoulders relaxed. 

At that very moment, he understood Dimitri’s pain. He understood his desire to lash out and push everyone away. The snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue. All he had to do was tell her to go away, leave, and she would. Sylvain started to see stars as the world around him began to spin. 

_Worthless. Failure. Disappointment. There is nothing you can do to prove your worth. Everyone can see right through. You’re not pushing people away, they’re running away fro-_

“Byleth and I went to the Marshal. He’s pulling Dimitri,” Ingrid said softly. 

Sylvain slumped down into the bed, back into Ingrid. Her words overwhelmed him more than the ghosts that haunted him. With a shaky hand, he wrapped his arm around Ingrid’s waist and pulled her close. He wasn’t sure why she didn’t lead with that information but it didn’t seem relevant at the moment. Pulling him out of the panic attack was more important.

“It’s not your burden to carry, Sylvain. This is for the best. I should have led with that, sorry.”

“Yeah, you should have.” He blinked, taken aback by his own harsh words. “Sorry. You’re right, it’s not. Drifting with him twice was enough for me. Maybe when he’s ready we can be drift partners.”

Ingrid nodded in response but Sylvain’s focus had shifted. He was starting out the window, focused on the snowflakes. The wind was howling, the snow drifts forming, and the visibility was less than a mile. When they had been out in the ocean, it hadn’t been snowing. He pursed his brows as he studied the weather, the realization hitting him like lance to the heart.

Dimitri was like the winter, frigid and unending. His heart was covered in ice and would take time to thaw out. Despite the biting cold, it brought a sense of warmth. And just like the winter would end and lead into spring, a light at the end of the tunnel, Sylvain hoped Dimitri would do the same.

It was going to be a _long_ winter. 


	3. felix | autumn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (gesutres towards major character death) sorry
> 
>  **the wall:** man-made structure around the rim in order to prevent kaiju breaking. also known as the anti-kaiju wall, wall of life, or the coastal wall.

> “There are things you can’t fight. Acts of God, like you see a hurricane coming, you have to get out of the way. But when you’re in a Jaeger, suddenly you can fight the hurricane, you can win.” - Pacific Rim (2013).

In the blink of an eye, two years had gone bye. 

Shortly after his disastrous time with Dimitri, Sylvain had been partnered with Felix. Sylvain was apprehensive, given how violently Dimitri had reacted to Glenn’s death. Glenn was Felix’s brother, wouldn’t he feel the same way? He wasn’t handling Glenn’s death well when they started preparing to be drift partners but he was handling it better than Dimitri. At least Felix was better at compartmentalizing his trauma compared to their blonde counterpart. 

But he and Felix were great drift partners. They worked together seamlessly. Hell, they worked better than him and Lorenz did. It made Sylvain wonder why he hadn’t been partnered with Felix before this. Why had Marshal Eisner insisted on him and Lorenz, then him and Dimitri? Sylvain didn’t know. Ingrid made a point to remind him that it didn’t matter. What mattered was they were in a good place.

He and Felix had, at least, ten kills under their belt. Truthfully, Sylvain had stopped counting after five. Felix made a notch in his bedpost every time there was a kill. If he cared enough Sylvain could have asked, but having a plethora of kills didn’t matter to him like it did to Felix. His kills didn’t showcase his talent. The fact that he was alive did. It bothered him when people congratulated him on his kills instead of being alive.

That was another thing Ingrid reminded him about. They didn’t understand. They didn’t need to understand. Sylvain was doing good, seemed to be happy, and that was what mattered. There was still the lingering doubt and anxiety over the pressure to be his father. The more he killed, the closer he got to eliminating that source. His father didn’t have the kills he did. He was better, right?

_Right?_

“Are you going to eat that?” 

Ingrid’s words caused him to snap out of his misery. He looked down at what she was pointing out and snorted. Ingrid wanted his mashed potatoes, which Sylvain had taken to flicking his fork back and forth in the food. He wasn’t hungry; he was exhausted. They had gotten back two hours ago from another kill (people were still cheering over the success of defending the Fhirdiad miracle mile) and were supposed to be celebrating. 

Sylvain’s eyes drifted up towards the war clock. Until that thing stopped for good, they would never be celebrating.

“Can’t believe you didn’t just take it from me,” he teased as he handed her his plate. 

“Sometimes I’m polite.” Ingrid pulled the plate closer to her and chowed into the food. An appreciative moan escaped her lips, causing Sylvain to snicker. Mashed potatoes were one of her favourite meals.

He leaned back enough to look up and down the table. Ingrid was across from him, happy and content with the food in front of her. There was a book about the Jager piloting mechanics in front of her that she was studying furiously. Next to her stood Ashe, who was engaging in a loud conversation with Lysithea about kaiju’s blood’s toxic properties. The latter was making a face at Ashe’s intense conversation and wild hand gestures. 

Sylvain strained his neck and saw Annette next to Lysithea, which meant that Felix was right beside her and Mercedes across the table from her. Sylvain had to resist the urge to snicker at how Felix wanted to be close to Annette, despite his instance that it was nothing and he was curious about the communication aspect Annette handled in connecting pilots to the shatterdome. He said nothing as he listened to Mercedes and Annette discuss new healing techniques that would be better for the hospital. Dedue was nodding along in agreement. 

An elbow nudged Sylvain. He turned and saw Dimitri apologizing profusely. Sylvain rolled his eyes and nudged him back playfully. Dimitri visibly relaxed and went back to his conversation with Byleth. Two years had done wonders for his friend. It had taken six months before things had gotten really bad. It wasn’t until they threatened to pull him from the program and send him to the coastal wall did things slowly start to get better. Sylvain suspected part of that was because of Byleth, who had reached her breaking point.

They were drift partners now. They had been for about ten months. Sylvain didn’t know the specifics, but from what Annette told him about their interactions, it was almost electric at how the two worked. When they wanted to chase the RABIT, they were able to pull each other out. It was mesmerizing, something Sylvain wished he had with Felix. There had been a few times they both went down the RABIT hole during training. 

The smile crept across his face as he studied his friends. It was a good life. Sylvain knew he was lucky to have it. 

* * *

The problem that he and Felix have as drift partners is that they tended to be reckless. Perhaps too reckless, whether they wanted to admit to it or not. 

Sylvain was sitting in the med bay, Ingrid by his side. He was grumbling to himself as Mercedes prepared him to reset his shoulder. It had dislocated during the fight. Sylvain had been so high on the adrenaline that he didn’t notice. Felix was across from him, getting checked for a concussion. He flashed him a smile and a thumbs up. Felix flipped him off, which caused him to laugh. 

“Shit, that hurt.”

“You dislocated a rib too,” Mercedes said with a sigh. She was doing well at hiding her annoyance. Sylvain didn’t blame her; this was the second time he had been in the hospital this week alone. 

Felix trained him relentlessly. They were always sparring, save for the breaks where Sylvain had had enough. The training had gotten more intense over the past year, mainly after a close call where they almost died. Sylvain didn’t mind too much because when he didn’t want to train (usually after his body was black and blue and he needed to heal), Felix trained with Dimitri or Ingrid. 

The reason he had been in the hospital earlier was because of said training. He had sprained his wrist. Mercedes had scolded him for the interaction and told him to take it easy. Sylvain did but he couldn’t ignore the deployment. When there was a kaiju in the miracle mile, and it was their turn to act, Sylvain had no choice.

“It’s not that bad! I’ve had worse injuries, Mercie.”

That was true. One instance had him in the hospital for a week due to suspected internal bleeding after a kajiu battle. Mercedes eyes narrowed at the memory; it had been less than six months ago and the injuries were getting worse.

“You’re getting reckless, Sylvain. Do you want to die?”

The colour drained from his face. Mercedes' words were harsh but necessary. It was the million dollar question. Wasn’t that the price of being a Jaeger pilot? You accepted death the moment you stepped into your Jaeger? It was implied (it was always fucking implied). One didn’t sign up to the Fódlan Rim Jaeger Corps with the intention of living long. 

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Sylvain winced as she pressed against his fingers, testing for feeling. “I never said that. Some fights are worse than others. Felix trains me harder than anyone ever has. I’m going to get banged up. It’s fine.”

Mercedes pursed her lips as she continued her medical assessment. There was more she wanted to say, Sylvain knew that, but he was thankful she was staying quiet. Ingrid had taken to scolding him, and he didn’t need it from Mercedes. Master Sergeant Gautier was already living in his head, reminding him that the injuries were from failures, not successes. His father had gotten more prominent since his drift with Dimitri. 

The lights flash red and an alarm blared. 

Mercedes stopped her assessment and stepped back. Sylvain looked back to Felix, who had turned his attention to the television screen. The lights continued to blink and Sylvain felt his blood run cold. People were shouting orders outside. The atmosphere in the med bay had shifted to a sense of urgency. Against his better judgement, Sylvain turned his attention towards the same screen Felix was watching.

It was chaos but that didn’t seem to accurately capture the scene Sylvain was staring at. People were crying, there was blood splattered on the streets, and the sound of the kaiju alarm was ringing. _Did someone accidently set off the alarm?_ Sylvain wondered as he studied the television. They had just fought a kaiju. The miracle mile of Fhirdiad was protected. There had been no reports of a second kaiju coming through the breach.

“It’s Adrestia,” Felix spoke softly, his eyes never leaving the screen. 

Realization dawned on Sylvain. Felix was correct; it was the Adrestia base. They were more central on the Fódlan rim. The red and gold that usually shown brightly, highlighting Adrestia colours, was covered in blood and burning. 

“What the fuck happened?”

“Shortly after you two came back, another kaiju was reported in the breach,” another voice said.

Sylvain felt the tension in his shoulders relax. It was Ingrid. Ingrid was also a reliable source. Sylvain turned to her and reached out his hand. She took it and gave him a small, but strained, smile, as she sat down on the edge of his bed.

“It was near Adrestia, so we kept an eye on it. The Fódlan Defense Pact prevents us from interfering with their borders unless requested for a kaiju attack.” Sylvain knew this information; everyone on the base knew it. It was a sign that Ingrid was terrified and she was trying to process. “At approximately twenty-three hundred hours, Jaeger Black Eagle Strike Force sustained life-threatening injuries. After the initial report, kaiju, codename Thales, drowned them.”

Sylvain’s hand released from Ingrid as he stared at her. It had been two years, since Glenn’s death, that someone had died. Sylvain knew to expect it but it didn’t make it any easier. He had known Caspar and Petra briefly from cross-continent training. He knew that they were an excellent team and fought like hell when deployed. 

He sucked in a breath. The wind had been knocked out of him. The heart rate monitor beeped in the background in stark contrast with the alarm. 

“Is that why our alarm is going off? Are we deploying?” Felix asked. 

Ingrid shook her head. “No. Dimitri wanted to but Marshal convinced him it was better not to; we’re too far away. The alarm is preparation, nothing more. Leicester has someone coming in for backup. Adrestia developed Jaeger Aymr, which is holding steady. I suspect they’re deploying another one but I haven’t heard which one. What you see on the television is the current state of Adrestia after Thales killed Strike Force.”

The memory of Glenn’s death was fresh in everyone’s mind. Staring at the television, listening to the reports, and refusing to move was pouring salt on their wounds. Subconsciously, Sylvain reached for Ingrid’s hand again and squeezed it. She squeezed back. He bit his lip as he tried to focus, but the alarm was loud and unrelenting. It was eerie. 

The alarms for kaijus and preparation were the same. They were a modified version of the tsunami alarms (which were, ironically, still active given that they were on the ocean and tsunamis were a real threat). The tsunami alarms were eerie when they went off. It made Sylvain’s crawl as he thought about the echo and how it signals danger. The kaiju alarm did the same thing and had more of a sense of urgency. The echoes of the alarm haunted his dreams. Ingrid knew this and she squeezed his hand again.

Sylvain went back to staring at the television screen, his mind producing a thousand thoughts an hour. Caspar charged into a fight head first and didn’t think. Petra was able to reign in most of that impulse. Was that him and Felix? Felix was the one who ran in head first. It was similar to Dimitri, just more thought out. Was Sylvain the more rounded out of the two? Could he reign in Felix’s desire to be reckless?

No. No, he couldn’t, because he was just as reckless. Sylvain knew that. It was one of the many reasons they worked so well together. 

_Do you want to die?_

Mercedes’s words rang through his head. Sylvain avoided the question because he knew she wouldn’t like the answer (which was a non answer). But with the death of Strike Force, Sylvain was starting to accept one thing. 

Maybe, just maybe, he and Felix were too reckless in their fights. 

* * *

“Sit down.” 

“You want me to fucking sit down?! My partner is fighting for his life on some fucking operating table!” 

“I said _sit down_ , Gautier. Do not take that tone with me, Ranger.” 

Sylvain’s eyes narrowed at Marshal Eisner. He looked as exhausted as Sylvain felt. In the three months since Strike Force’s death, he had aged exponentially. The bags around his eyes were more pronounced, he looked like he wasn’t sleeping, and was holding his weight on his right leg. It was the look of a defeated man.

With a scowl, Sylvain plopped down into the chair. Marshal Eisner did the same, posturing to take control of the conversation. Sylvain fought the urge to roll his eyes; he wasn’t going to pressure him. Not anymore, not with Felix’s life in limbo.

There was a beep and Marshal Eisner looked at his watch. The tension in his shoulders relaxed and he sighed audibly. Sylvain knew that sigh; it was a sigh of relief. 

“He’s going to be fine. Going to have to do physical therapy for a while, but he’ll be fine. No, you cannot leave this conversation to see him.”

Admitting defeat, Sylvain decided to get comfortable in his chair. He was sore from the fight and the chair was stiff. He hoped this conversation would be short. All he wanted to do was go back to his bed and fall asleep. Felix was okay and alive, which meant Sylvain was going to be okay. 

His hand started to shake as he recalled the events of a few hours ago. The kaiju had ripped through the hull, knocking them off balance. Felix was screaming commands as Sylvain’s mind went blank. The screams got louder, ringing in his ears, as the left arm turned into a lance and sliced the kaiju. It was the last thing he remembered before waking up in the hospital.

_“We’re not fucking dying here, Sylvain.”_

Sylvain gripped the armrest in an attempt to control the tremors. The anxiety was starting to creep up as he felt his heart race. _Take a deep breath in, deep breath out_ , he thought in effort to control his breathing. Within two deep breaths, he felt slightly calmer. His hand had stopped shaking. Sylvain could keep his nervousness internal.

Marshal Eisner took a deep breath before speaking. “After your fight against Kryona, an internal investigation was launched. This is standard procedure after a death, and a way for us to assess what really happens with the Rangers during battle outside of you’ve killed a kaiju. Do we need to retrain? Provide them classes? It’s routine.” 

Sylvain wanted to argue and mention that if it was routine, it would be happening after every fight. He huffed in annoyance but decided to let Marshal Eisner continue.

“There’s no denying that you two are good. You’ve left our miracle mile unbreached for two years. Yet…” Marshal Eisner trailed off. He cleared his throat. “You and Ranger Fraldariushave proven to be reckless. You two run into everything without considering your actions and you will disobey direct orders.” 

Sylvain couldn’t deny that. There had been a plethora of times where they were told not to engage, to hold back, or to leave the fishing vessels alone. Every time they decided an order was stupid, they ignored it. They had been skating on thin ice every time they threw caution to the wind. Ingrid scolded them every time, the fear visible in her eyes. She had lost one person to the kaijus, she couldn’t lose another.

Despite that, the duo continued to ignore her, riding off the adrenaline high of fighting and defending Faerghus. 

“Effective immediately, you and Ranger Fraldariusare no longer partners. We will be reassigning you as we see fit. We cannot have Rangers be reckless. Do I make myself clear?”

Marshal Eisner lowered his gaze to meet Sylvain’s. The redhead fought the urge to look away. He wanted to scream and cry, tell him that this was a stupid decision and that because of they there were going to all die. Sylvain bit his tongue as he stared at his commanding officer. 

After a few tense moments, Sylvain broke the gaze. He could feel the tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. He didn’t know if it was from exhaustion or sadness. It didn’t matter anymore. 

“You’re dismissed, Ranger. We’ll discuss going forward in the next few days.”

Marshal Eisner waived his hand. Sylvain gave him a curt nod as he stood up and walked out the door. Once the door shut behind him, Sylvain started out the window, taking in the scenario before descending back into his room.

It was autumn. The leaves were an array of colours and starting to fall. He had lived in Fhirdiad long enough to know that the air would be chilly but reasonable. A gust of wind breezed through, picking up some leaves and moving them some fifteen feet away. 

Autumn didn't bother him like the other seasons. It didn’t leave him feeling miserable like the summer or weary and apprehensive like the winter. Autumn was neutral but a sign. It was a sign that the seasons were changing, that something different was coming. Sylvain fought the urge to laugh at the metaphor. 

There was nothing wrong with autumn; it just wasn’t right.


	4. ingrid | spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here she is, the final chapter!
> 
> also lol once again (gestures towards major character death). nothing's detailed, just mentioned.
> 
>  **plug suit:** the suit that connects the whole process together. it "plugs" into the jaeger and establishes the connection between the jaeger and the human.

> “ You know you live in someone else’s head for so long the hardest part to deal with is the silence. To let someone else in, to really connect, you have to trust them. And today the drift was strong. ” - Pacific Rim (2013).

It had been two months since Felix was pulled as his partner and Sylvain had given up hope of getting one. 

Sylvain watched from the sidelines as his friends engaged in combat. Even Lorenz was fighting with a partner. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. When he confided in his frustrations to Ingrid, she had chuckled and reminded him that he needed to be patient. That comment always slowed him down; she was still testing and training to become a pilot. He had two years on her.

Even Marshal Eisner had told him to be patient. There was only so much “patience” Sylvain could take.

He had been sitting in his room, looking over a scientific study from Doctor Ubert, when the television screen blinked. Sylvain looked up from the paper, pushing his brows together as he stared at the screen. It was a picture of a Mark 5 Jaeger, but he was unfamiliar with the name. Was there another kaiju attack? No, that couldn’t be the case. The room wasn’t flashing red.

“Ranger Gautier, please report to station four for a simulation run.”

Sylvain dog-eared the page he was at and closed the study. The curiosity and anxiety were starting to form as he quickly changed into his plug suit. As soon as the last piece of the uniform snapped into peace, Sylvain was out the door and on his way to station four, his mind reeling.

The logical, and only, conclusion that he could come to was that Marshal Eisner had assigned him a drift partner. Was it someone he knew? It had to have been someone he had tested with.  That was the only way to determine compatibility, and even it couldn’t predict the sort of issues that had plagued his drifts with Felix and Dimitri.

He had been so lost in running the selection process over in his head that he hadn’t realized he had stepped into the Jaeger head. Blinking, Sylvain grabbed his helmet from the rack and stepped to the left hemisphere control. 

“Hey Annie, who’s my partner?” Sylvain asked as he rubbed the sleeve of his suit over his helmet to clean it.

The radio cackled with static before Annette’s voice came in. “Don’t worry! You’ll see!” There was a giggle before the radio static went silent 

Even Annette knew. That left a scowl on Sylvain’s face. He didn’t like how everyone was keeping a secret from him. This was the person he was sharing his Jaeger with, the person who was going to fight to the death alongside him. Given the trauma they had put him through already, especially the handshake with Dimitri, he felt he deserved to know.

“Seriously? You know and I don’t? This is some bullshit, Annie,” Sylvain spoke into his intercom. He heard her chuckle in response and Sylvain fought the urge to flip her off.

The door hissed as the locks disengaged. Sylvain didn’t bother to look up as continued to rub the glass of his helmet. Despite the glass being cleaned, it soothed his anxiety. Who was the person stepping into the room? Was it going to be someone he enjoyed working with? Marshal Eisner knew his preference. He stopped the hand movement when the horrible thought of having another Lorenz like partner step into the Jaeger.

“Since you got here late, I’ll be taking the left side,” Sylvain spoke in an attempt to assert dominance. The left side meant that he was technically the captain, even if they shared their mind to control the Jaeger. “It’s about damn time you showed up.”

His tone was laced with annoyance as he looked up. Sylvain blinked as he stared at the person grabbing a helmet before a smile spread across his face. Any coldness he felt was replaced by warmth as he continued to stare at them, a wide smile spreading across his face.

Ingrid stood next to the door, geared up in the plug suit. Sylvain was aware that she had been training to become a pilot for the better part of two years. She had been going through simulator runs, testing scenarios, and various drills to become a Jaeger pilot. She had told him how stressed she had been about her final testing steps but had said nothing about passing them. A twinge of guilt passed through him. If Sylvain hadn’t been so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he would have realized Ingrid had passed her tests and held a celebration for her.

“Are you going to say anything?” she asked, her tone slightly teasing as she stepped forward. 

Sylvain could feel his cheeks starting to burn from the stain of smiling. Having Ingrid as his Jaeger pilot never crossed his mind. They had gone through a handful of tests that determined they were potentially drift compatible but it had seemed like a distant future. Sylvain was supposed to have a partner by the time Ingrid blossomed into her own Jaeger.

A sense of relief washed over him. With Ingrid as his co-pilot, he felt at ease. A sense of calm washed over him, one that he wasn’t sure he could explain. She would question him but that was to make sure he was making the right call, not to be a pain in the ass like Lorenz. Ingrid had her trauma, but it wouldn’t be as dark as Dimitri’s. She would be careful and calculated with her decisions, as opposed to Felix who would rush in head first. The stark contrast of Ingrid compared to his previous drift-partners was alarming but welcomed.

“You look good, Ing. Really good,” Sylvain replied honestly.

It was the truth. She walked with a confidence he hadn’t seen from her since Glenn had passed a couple of years ago. She belonged in a Jaeger. His heart swelled with the realization that Ingrid was his,  _ his  _ co-pilot. If he could have smiled wider, he would have. 

Despite the sense of relief, the anxiety was building in. They were going to have their first neural handshake soon. What would it entail? Ingrid’s grief as she handled Glenn’s death? Sylvain’s brushed off trauma of everything his brother had done? Sylvain gulped as he thought about it and clenched his fist.

No, there was no need to worry. It was the mantra he kept telling himself. If he could survive a drift with Dimitri, then he could survive anything. Plus it was Ingrid, who was beautiful, strong, and capable. 

_ “Initiating neural handshake in two minutes.” _

Sylvain stepped into place, Ingrid following his lead. He locked eyes with Ingrid, who was wearing a smile similar to his. His heart continued to thud in his chest. 

He didn’t need to say anything. Their drift in a few moments would hopefully convey his emotions.

* * *

“Look! Leonie did such a great job at capturing the colours and pure anger on Kryona’s face!”

Ashe waved his forearm in front of Dimitri, who wore a horrified expression as he stared at his friend’s kaiju tattoo. Sylvain felt a similar sense of nausea but kept his mouth shut. He watched as Dimitri’s eyes went wide as he took in the detail of Ashe’s tattoo. Dimitri’s hand reached out to Byleth’s forearm and he gripped it as he continued to stare.

“I cannot believe you got a tattoo of a kaiju,” Dimitri spoke softly. “I understand your fascination with them, especially in the field of science, but really, Ashe?”

“I think it looks really cool! Leonie’s detailing is phenomenal,” Annette piqued up. Her gaze went wide as she studied the colourful detail and linework on Ashe’s forearm. She turned back to Felix, who’s expression softened at her gaze. “You should get a kaiju tattoo!”

“Absolutely not.” Sylvain fought the urge to laugh at the obvious disdain on his friend’s face. “Getting a tattoo of those monsters is insane. It’s disgusting that you did so,” Felix added on as he folded his arms across his chest. 

Annette rolled her eyes and Ashe looked offended at Felix’s crass words. His eyes drifted from Felix to his tattoo. After a moment of stunned silence, with Byleth holding in her laughter, Ashe regained his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak but Mercedes cut him off.

“Don’t be rude, Felix,” Mercedes scolded, even though her heart wasn’t in it. “Everyone has a different preference towards their tattoos. You have, oh what did Claude call it, a sword tramp stamp, if I recall correctly?” The corner of her lips turned up as Felix’s face flushed. Even Dedue, who had been sitting next to her, poking around at his food, was fighting a smile.

Felix flipped Mercedes off, and laughter erupted from the table. Sylvain’s eyes drifted towards Ingrid, who was resisting the urge to laugh with food in her mouth. Sylvain’s smile reached his eyes as he continued to stare at her. 

Ingrid was in her element, with a full plate of food in front of her, and surrounded by friends. The environment was relaxing, something Sylvain hadn’t thought was possible until Ingrid had become his drift partner. 

They only had three fights under their belt but already Sylvain could see the difference in their fighting style. He wasn’t stressed, he didn’t question anything, and he knew that Ingrid was going to have his back. It was different from Felix, who was always fighting for himself, even in the drift with Sylvain. With Ingrid, it was a true partnership. He was honoured to have Ingrid in the cock-pit with him. And well, the long standing love he had for her seemed to help.

Ingrid’s gaze caught his and she smiled at him. Sylvain felt his heart flutter and his cheeks flush as he smiled back, hoping the smile would convey the happiness he was feeling. For the first time in years, he felt truly content and happy with this life. It was surreal but welcomed.

“Hey, who thinks Felix should add onto his sword tramp stamp? Should we get a fish? Then it could be a swordfish!” Sylvain interjected as the conversation lulled. It worked because the longer he stared at Ingrid, the more flustered he would become.

The group erupted as they engaged in theories about Felix’s new tattoo. Sylvain felt his cheeks strain as the smile stayed on his face. His gaze drifted back towards Ingrid, who was laughing so hard she was snorting.

Yeah, this was a love he could get behind and give his whole heart to. 

* * *

It was four in the morning. It had been six hours, twenty-one minutes and five seconds since they had deployed for a fight. It had been two hours, forty-six minutes and twelve seconds since their counterpart from Leicester  had fallen. 

Sylvain sucked in a deep breath as he stripped down to his underclothes. He left them on the floor of his bedroom, despite normally putting them away. Raphael and Ignatz were good people. They didn’t deserve to die. It had been a fluke, a blind spot that they didn’t see until it was too late. Sylvain clenched the shirt he had been holding as the memories of their screams filtered through his mind. He dry-heaved for a second before taking another deep breath to control his thoughts.

There was nothing that could have been done. Death happened. It was the price of being a Jaeger pilot. Sylvain chewed on the inside of his lip to prevent the tears from spilling over. Sleep was going to be impossible tonight.

There was a knock on his door. Sylvain’s brows furrowed, wondering who it could be. There was only one person he would allow through the threshold of his bedroom and it seemed unlikely it was going to be Ingrid. She had gone almost comatose as they pulled off their gear and wandered back to their sleep corridors. 

Before Sylvain could open the door, Ingrid stepped in and closed the door behind her. Her eyes were red and puffy and Sylvain could see the dried tear-stains on her cheeks. He immediately pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Ingrid asked, her voice horse. 

Sylvain’s heart tugged. How long had she been crying? They had only gotten back an hour or so ago. He mentally kicked himself. Sylvain should have checked on Ingrid as soon as she disappeared from his line of sight. This was the first time someone had died under her watch. She wasn’t used to it like he was.

“You never have to ask,” Sylvain replied softly as he kissed her forehead again. He could taste the salt from the sweat. It was strangely comforting.

They stayed locked in the embrace for a few moments, only their heavy breathing acting as noise. It wasn’t until the computer screen beeped behind Sylvain that he pulled away. Sylvain opted to grab her hand and pulled her down to the bed. As soon as Ingrid was comfortable and curled up into his chest, Sylvain gripped her tightly.

Ingrid sniffled and Sylvain felt his heart drop. Was she crying? He reached out and brushed her hair away from her forehead. No, she wasn’t crying now. The sniffling was residual from her earlier tears. His body relaxed into the bed as he started to run his hand through her hair.

They had almost died. The only reason they hadn’t was because Raphael and Ignatz had taken their place. It had been a fluke, a decision of the last minute to switch places. Nobody had realized it was a blind spot until the kaiju ripped through the hull and tore their Jaeger into pieces. The nausea settled in Sylvain’s stomach as he recounted the memory.

“We almost died today,” Ingrid said after a few moments of silence. “That should have been us, Sylvain.”

She was right, but Sylvain didn’t want to admit to that. Not yet. Maybe in a few years, after he was a retired Jaeger pilot and had been in therapy for some time. “But we didn’t, Ingrid. It should have been us, yes, but it wasn’t. The goddess is a cruel bitch who works in mysterious ways.”

He was trying to make a joke but it fell flat. It was the truth. There was a reason they were alive, whether they wanted to think about it or not. Sylvain tightened his grip around Ingrid. She readjusted her position so she could look up at him, staring directly into his eyes. The urge to look away was strong, but Sylvain held his ground.

Sylvain was breathless as he stared at her. Even though she was exhausted and crying, she was beautiful. The desire to pull her in and kiss her was overwhelming, but Sylvain refrained. Did he want to kiss her because they had almost died or was it something else? 

Deep down, Sylvain knew the answer. He had always known the answer. Coming to terms with his love for Ingrid had been a struggle, but one he had started to allow himself to accept after Glenn had passed. He had always told himself that when the time was ready, he would tell Ingrid how he felt. Each time he felt he was ready, he dodged the conversation. 

It was never the right time. Sylvain almost laughed at himself. It was never going to be the right time. They had shared a handful of drifts by this point. If Ingrid didn’t know how he felt by now, then it was a lost cause. It was now or never. They could die any day, at any moment. The fight they had escaped from highlighted that. He had to speak now.

“I love you,” Sylvain confessed after a few seconds of silence.

The corner of Ingrid’s lips turned up. He could see the faint blush appear on her cheeks. 

“I love you too.”

Sylvain released his grasp from her and moved so he could cup her chin and pull her close. His heart was pounding in his chest. Sylvain hoped that his facial expression and those three words conveyed all that he felt. The smile on Ingrid’s face grew wider as he leaned in and closed the distance.

The kiss was better than Sylvain could have imagined. She relaxed into his body and Sylvain’s worries started to drift away at her touch. Her lips were chapped but still soft. She tasted like citrus and pine, two of his favourite flavours. He smiled up against her lips before he pulled away. As much as he wanted the kiss to go longer, now was not the time. They were exhausted and coming off the adrenaline high. There would be more time for kissing later. 

Sylvain reached out and went back to running his hand through her hair. The tension he felt in his body relaxed into her touch. Ingrid’s shoulders slouched as well as she curled back up into his chest. The redhead took another deep breath as Ingrid continued to get comfortable. 

She smelled like spring, like a fresh flower blooming, a sign that the distress from earlier was starting to disappear. The smile continued to grow on his face as the realization hit him. Of  _ course  _ Ingrid was like spring. Spring was the sign that the darkness was over, that things were going to be better, and the ice was starting to thaw. 

Sylvain had always loved spring. And with Ingrid at his side, he could take on the world. He wouldn't have it any other way.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY she is complete. i have had this idea running around in my head for the better part of months before the big bang was announced. it was always a project i wanted to do but never sat down and did because a) research and b) it requires a bit more time and effort than i normally put into because what are long fics lol. so when the big bang came up, i was like "here we go!"
> 
> a huge thank you to rachelle, my beta, who helped me polish this into something readable. i wrote most of this in a sprint and the other half while i was dealing with grief so it became a big jumbled mess and she turned it into something wonderful. to the sylvgrid server, for allowing me to yell and give me feedback - especially felix's tramp stamp tattoo. to sunni, who i literally was like "HAHAHA JK ... UNLESSS??" and helped me flesh out a good chunk of the background lore in an effort to make sure it fit with the dynamic of three houses, of ingrid and sylvain, and such. to the song [when the seasons change](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rReM1R-SFw&ab_channel=5FDPVEVO) by five finger death punch, which inspired the premise of relating it to seasons. this would have been some random oneshot without it.
> 
> thank you for the ride, guys. i'll probably be expanding on this in the future because i am Predictable. find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/livthebraves) where i cry about critical role and fire emblem. also can be found lurking the sylvgrid server talking about dating pigeons (aka hatoful boyfriend ruined my life).


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